5 Movies That Need to Become Board Games
Finally, the crossover between the toy industry and the movie industry has reasserted itself in the correct direction with the news that Hasbro will be producing a Monopoly special edition based on The Godfather movies. With this spectacularly appropriate example of merchandise in mind, here are five more movies that need to make the jump into the world of board games.
For those who think I’m joking about a Godfather Monopoly game, I can only tell you to watch this video and learn…
Clearly, the geniuses behind Godfather Monopoly – tagline: “Play it with your family!” – must have considered other classic movies before settling on Francis Ford Coppola’s timeless trilogy (Well, timeless duo and then the third one that we all pretend doesn’t exist). While there’s no doubt that the world was crying out for a Godfather game, here are five others they could’ve gone with instead.
You’re probably more likely to remember the 1980s remake featuring Richard Pryor than the earlier 1914, 1921, 1935 or 1945 versions (Yes, it’s been filmed a lot; it was originally a 1902 novel by George Barr McCutcheon), but the story is always essentially the same: A man has to waste money in order to make money, thanks to a stipulation of an eccentric millionaire uncle’s will. If that doesn’t sound like a board game waiting to happen, then my middle name isn’t “R&D for Parker Bros.” It’s like the bizarro Monopoly! How quickly can you spend all your money on frivolous things when you keep earning interest? Can you trick your opponents into accidentally making good investments? This game would be so wonderful that I almost want to see if I can somehow option the rights myself now.
This is what I’m imagining: Clue meets Monopoly – It was all about land rights, remember? – but with a more morally-ambiguous tone in which, even if you work out who killed the victim, there’s still no winner. The only way to end the game would be to utter the famous line:
Why bother with the Game of Life – A Hasbro property, by the way, so The Game of Life: Psycho Edition isn’t entirely impossible! – when you’d have so much more fun playing the game of death? Players would have to both come up with a reasonable enough business plan to keep their motels in business while also constructing successful body disposal plans and doing whatever it takes to keep Mother happy! It’d be a madcap scramble to keep all of those murderous, deranged balls in the air, but the player who does it most successfully wins… by keeping their freedom while everyone around them ends up in mental asylums, jail or just downright dead. You can almost see the commercials already, can’t you…?
“The horror… the horror…” The horror of not being able to play a board game based on Francis Ford Coppola’s other cinematic masterpiece, that is. Just imagine the excitement of the Vietnam War available in your own home! Plan your own napalm strikes against the Viet Cong while family members sing Wagner! Learn about the inhumanity of war from the comfort of your living room! And, best of all, being a sore loser is part of the game, thanks to the planned-for ability to lose your cool, smear-specially-provided face paint over your body and go off to sulk in a chamber of your own construction! You’ll love the smell of cardboard and plastic in the morning, evening or any time… it smells like victory.
Call me crazy, but even though the movie flopped this year, I think that there’s potential for a game in this thing. Maybe if you drop the alien thing, and just turn it into a strategy game that’s also pretty much a lot of guesswork…? Wait, wait. These two kids could probably explain what I’ve got in mind better than I could…